© 2013 by Jen SinceroPublished by Running Press,A Member of the Perseus Books GroupAll rights reserved under the Pan-American andInternational Copyright ConventionsThis book may not be reproduced in whole or inpart, in any form or by any means, electronic ormechanical, including photocopying, recording, orby any information storage and retrieval systemnow known or hereafter invented, without writtenpermission from the publisher.Books published by Running Press are available atspecial discounts for bulk purchases in the UnitedStates by corporations, institutions, and otherorganizations. For more information, please contact theSpecial Markets Department at the Perseus BooksGroup, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia,PA 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or email@example.com.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013932303E-book ISBN 978-0-7624-4831-99 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1Digit on the right indicates the number of this printingDesign by Joshua McDonnellEdited by Jennifer KasiusTypography: Avenir, Bembo, and FabadaRunning Press Book Publishers2300 Chestnut StreetPhiladelphia, PA 19103-4371Visit us on the web!www.runningpress.com
For my unfailingly sweet and supportiveDad and brother StephenAnd still, after all this time,the Sun has never said to the Earth,“You owe me.”Look what happens with love likethat. It lights up the sky.—Rumi
CONTENTSINTRODUCTIONPART 1:HOW YOU GOT THIS WAYCHAPTER 1: My Subconscious MadeMe Do ItCHAPTER 2: The G-WordCHAPTER 3: Present as a PigeonCHAPTER 4: The Big Snooze
CHAPTER 5: Self-Perception Is a ZooPART 2:HOW TO EMBRACEYOUR INNER BADASSCHAPTER 6: Love the One You IsCHAPTER 7: I Know You Are But WhatAm I?CHAPTER 8: What Are You DoingHere?CHAPTER 9: Loincloth Man
PART 3:HOW TO TAP INTO THEMOTHERLODECHAPTER 10: Meditation 101CHAPTER 11: Your Brain Is Your BitchCHAPTER 12: Lead with Your CrotchCHAPTER 13: Give and Let GiveCHAPTER 14: Gratitude: The GatewayDrug to AwesomenessCHAPTER 15: Forgive or FesterCHAPTER 16: Loosen Your Bone,Wilma
PART 4:HOW TO GET OVERYOUR B.S. ALREADYCHAPTER 17: It’s So Easy Once YouFigure Out It Isn’t HardCHAPTER 18: Procrastination,Perfection, and a PolishBeer GardenCHAPTER 19: The Drama ofOverwhelmCHAPTER 20: Fear Is for SuckersCHAPTER 21: Millions of Mirrors
CHAPTER 22: The Sweet LifePART 5:HOW TO KICK SOME ASSCHAPTER 23: The Almighty DecisionCHAPTER 24: Money, Your New BestFriendCHAPTER 25: Remember to SurrenderCHAPTER 26: Doing vs. SpewingCHAPTER 27: Beam Me Up, Scotty
INTRODUCTIONYou can start out with nothing, andout of nothing, and out of no way,a way will be made.—Reverend Michael BernardBeckwith; former drugenthusiast turned spiritualenthusiast turned inspirationalbadassI used to think quotes like this were abunch of crap. I also didn’t understand
what the hell they were talking about. Imean, not that I cared. I was too cool.What little I knew about the self-help/spiritual world I found to beunforgivably cheesy: it reeked ofdesperation, rah-rah churchiness andunwanted hugs from unappealingstrangers. And don’t even get me startedon how grouchy I used to be about God.At the same time, there was all thisstuff about my life that I desperatelywanted to change and, had I been able tobulldoze through my holier-than-thouism,I could have really used some helparound here. I mean, overall I was doingpretty well—I’d published a couple ofbooks, had lots of great friends, a close
family, an apartment, a car that ran, food,teeth, clothes, clean drinking water—compared to the majority of the planet,my life was a total cream puff. Butcompared to what I knew I was capableof, I was, shall we say, unimpressed.I always felt like, Come ON, this isthe best I can do? Really? I’m going tomake just enough to pay my rent thismonth? Again? And I’m going to spendanother year dating a bunch ofweirdoes so I can be in all thesewobbly, noncommittal relationshipsand create even more drama? Really?And am I seriously going to questionwhat my deeper purpose is and wallowin the misery of that quagmire for the
millionth time?It. Was. A. Snore.I felt like I was going through themotions of living my lukewarm life withthe occasional flare-ups of awesomenesshere and there. And the most painful partwas that deep down I KNEW I was atotal rock star, that I had the power togive and receive and love with the bestof ‘em, that I could leap tall buildings ina single bound and could create anythingI put my mind to and . . . What’s that? Ijust got a parking ticket? You have gotto be kidding me, let me see that. I can’tafford to pay this, it’s like my third onethis month! I’m going down there totalk to them right now . . . then, doop de
do, off I’d go, consumed once again bylow-level minutiae, only to find myself,a few weeks later, wondering wherethose few weeks went and how it couldpossibly be that I was still stuck in myrickety-ass apartment, eating dollartacos by myself every night.I’m assuming if you’re reading thisthat there are some areas of your life thataren’t looking so good either. And thatyou know could be looking a whole lotbetter. Maybe you’re living with yoursoul mate and are joyfully sharing yourgifts with the world, but are so brokethat your dog is on his own if he wants toget fed. Maybe you’re doing greatfinancially and you have a deep
connection to your higher purpose, butyou can’t remember the last time you wetyour pants laughing. Or maybe you suckequally at all of the above and spendyour free time crying. Or drinking. Orgetting pissed off at all the meter maidswho have precision timing and no senseof humor who, in your mind, are partlyresponsible for your personal financialcrisis. Or maybe you have everythingyou’ve ever wanted but for some reasonyou still feel unfulfilled.This isn’t necessarily about makingmillions of dollars or helping solve theworld’s problems or getting your ownTV show, unless that’s your thing. Yourcalling could simply be to take care of
your family or to grow the perfect tulip.This is about getting mighty clearabout what makes you happy and whatmakes you feel the most alive, and thencreating it instead of pretending youcan’t have it. Or that you don’t deserveit. Or that you’re a greedy egomaniacalfathead for wanting more than youalready have. Or listening to what Dadand Aunt Mary think you should bedoing.It’s about having the cojones to showup as the brightest, happiest, badassiestversion of yourself, whatever that lookslike to you.The good news is that in order to dothis, all you need to do is make one
simple shift:You need to go from wanting tochange your life to deciding to changeyour life.Wanting can be donesitting on the couchwith a bong in yourhand and a travelmagazine in your lap.Deciding meansjumping in all the way,doing whatever it takes,
and going after yourdreams with thetenacity of a datelesscheerleader a weekbefore prom night.You’ll probably have to do things younever imagined you’d do because if anyof your friends saw you doing it, orspending money on it, you’d never live itdown. Or they’d be concerned aboutyou. Or they’d stop being friends withyou because now you’re all weird anddifferent. You’ll have to believe inthings you can’t see as well as some
things that you have full-on proof areimpossible. You’re gonna have to pushpast your fears, fail over and over againand make a habit of doing things you’renot so comfy doing. You’re going to haveto let go of old, limiting beliefs and clingto your decision to create the life youdesire like your life depends on it.Because guess what? Your life doesdepend on it.As challenging as this may sound, it’snowhere near as brutal as waking up inthe middle of the night feeling likesomeone parked a car on your chest,crushed under the realization that yourlife is zooming by and you have yet tostart living it in a way that has any real
meaning to you.You may have heard stories aboutpeople who had these majorbreakthroughs when the shit really hit thefan—they found a lump or got theirelectricity turned off or were momentsaway from having sex with strangers tobuy drugs when suddenly they woke up,transformed. But you don’t have waituntil you hit rock bottom to startcrawling out of your hole. All you haveto do is make the decision. And you canmake it right now.There’s a great line from the poetAnaïs Nin that reads: “And the day camewhen the risk to remain tight in a budwas more painful than the risk it took to
blossom.” This is how it was for me,and how I think it is for most people. Myjourney was a process (and still is) thatstarted with my decision to make someserious changes, regardless of what Ihad to do to make them. None of thethings I’d already tried were working:mulling it over and over with my equallybroke friends and my therapist, workingmy ass off, going out for a beer andhoping it would take care of itself . . . Iwas at the point where I would tryanything to get my act together, andLawdy Lawd Lawd Lawd, it’s like theUniverse was testing me to see just howserious I was.I went to motivational seminars
where they made me wear a name tagand high-five the person next to mewhile shouting, “You’re awesome and soam I!” I beat a pillow with a baseballbat and shrieked like I was on fire, Ibonded with my spirit guide,participated in a group ceremony whereI married myself, wrote a love letter tomy uterus, read every self-help bookunder the sun, and spent blood-curdlingamounts of money I did not have hiringprivate coaches.Basically, I took one for the team.If you’re new to the self-help world,I’m hoping this book will ease you intosome of the basic concepts that totallychanged my life so you can have a
breakthrough, too, without making youwant to run off screaming in the process.If you’ve already dipped your toe in theself-help pond, I hope it will saysomething in a new way that turns a lighton so you can make some major shifts,create some tangible results, andsomeday wake up crying tears of giddydisbelief that you get to be you.And if I can save one person fromever having to take their inner child on aplay date, I have done my job.My main focus when I startedworking on myself was how to makemoney. I had no idea how to make it on aconsistent basis, and was totallyweirded out by admitting that I even
wanted to in the first place. I was awriter and a musician; I felt it wassufficient—and quite noble thank youvery much—to focus on my art and letthe money part work itself out. THATwent real well! But I saw so manypeople doing such sleazy andheartbreaking things to make money, notto mention those people who wereworking jobs that were death-of-a-thousand-wounds boring, that I wantedno part of it. Add to that my slew ofother crippling beliefs about the unholydollar and it’s a wonder I wasn’t eatingout of a dumpster.I finally realized that I needed notonly to focus on making money, but that I
also needed to get over my fear andloathing of it if I wanted to start pullingit in. This is when the self-help booksstarted infiltrating my house, and thename tags assumed their mandatory andhumiliating post above my left boob.Eventually I took my credit card debt tounthinkable heights by forking over moremoney than I’d paid for all my janky carsput together and hired my first coach.Within the first six months, I tripled myincome with an online business that Icreated around coaching writers. Andnow I’ve grown it to a place where itaffords me the means and the luxury totravel the world freely, while I write,speak, play music, and coach people in
all areas of their lives, using many of theconcepts I used to so enjoy rolling myeyes at and with which I am nowobsessed.In an attempt to help you get to whereyou want to go too, I’m going to ask youto roll with some pretty out-there thingsthroughout this book, and I want toencourage you to have an open mind.No, on second thought, I want to yell inyour face about it: STAY OPEN ORELSE YOU ARE SCREWED. I mean it.This is really important. You’ve gottento where you are right now by doingwhatever it is you’re doing, so if you’reless than impressed with your currentsituation, you clearly need to change
things up.If you want to live a lifeyou’ve never lived, youhave to do thingsyou’ve never done.I don’t care how big a loser you mayor may not perceive yourself to be rightnow, the fact that you’re literate, havethe luxury of time to read this book andthe money to buy it puts you way aheadof the game.This isn’t something to feel guilty or
whiney or superior about. But it issomething to appreciate, and should youmake the decision to really go for it,know that you are extremely well-poisedto knock it out of the park and share yourawesomeness with the world. Becausethat’s really what this is all about.We need smart people with hugehearts and creative minds to manifest allthe wealth, resources, and support theyneed to make their difference in theworld.We need people to feel happy andfulfilled and loved so they don’t taketheir shit out on themselves and otherpeople and the planet and our animalfriends.
We need to be surrounded by peoplewho radiate self-love and abundance sowe don’t program future generationswith gnarly beliefs like money is badand I’m not good-enough and I can’tlive the way I want to live.We need kickass people to be out ofstruggle and living large and on purposeso they can be an inspiration to otherswho want to rise up, too.The first thing I’m going to ask you todo is to believe that we live in a worldof limitless possibilities. I don’t care ifyou have a lifetime of proof that youcan’t stop shoving food in your face orthat people are intrinsically evil or thatyou couldn’t keep a man if you were
handcuffed to his ankles—believe thatanything is possible anyway.See what happens—what do youhave to lose? If you try getting throughthis book and decide it’s a bunch ofcrap, you can go back to your sucky life.But maybe, if you put your disbeliefaside, roll up your sleeves, take somerisks, and totally go for it, you’ll wakeup one day and realize you’re living thekind of life you used to be jealous of.
1:MY SUBCONSCIOUS MADEME DO ITYou are a victim of the rules youlive by.—Jenny Holzer; artist,thinker, blurter of brillianceMany years ago I was in a terriblebowling accident. My friends and I were
at the tail end of a heated tiebreaker, andI was so focused on making a great showof my final shot—leaping into action,loudly declaring my impending victory,dancing and twirling my way through myapproach—that I didn’t realize wheremy feet were when I let go of the ball.This was the moment I was to learnhow serious the bowling community isabout penalizing those who roll with onetoe over the line. They pour oil or waxor lube or something unimaginablyslippery all over the alley, and shouldsomeone accidentally slide out ofbounds while attempting the perfect hookshot, she will find her feet flying outfrom under her and her ass crashing
down onto a surface that even anairborne bowling ball can’t crack.A few weeks later whilst lollingabout in bed with this guy I met atMacy’s, I explained that ever since myaccident, I’m now woken up in themiddle of the night with excruciatingpain in my feet. According to myacupuncturist, this is from the nerves inmy back getting slammed when I fell,and in order to sleep through the nightI’d need a new, firmer mattress.“I have pains in my feet when I sleeptoo!” He said, raising himself up for anunreciprocated high five.It’s not just because I’m not into thewhole high-five thing that I left him
hanging, but also because I was annoyedwith him. I already find mattressshopping to be totally bizarre andembarrassing—lying on your side with apillow between your thighs for all to seelike it’s anyone’s business—but the factthat I had to do it with my salesman lyingnext to me, begging for a high-fiver, wasmore than I could handle.I couldn’t help but notice that all theother salesmen simply stood at the endof the bed, rattling off mattress factswhile their clients tested out a myriad ofpositions, but not mine. He’d lowerdown next to me on his back, armscrossed over his chest, and thoughtfullychat away, staring at the ceiling like we
were at summer camp. I mean, he wasnice enough and incrediblyknowledgeable about coils and latex andmemory foam, but I was scared to rollover for fear he’d start spooning me.Was I too friendly? Should I not haveasked him where he was from? Did hethink I meant something else when Ipatted the empty space next to me to testthe pillow top?I obviously should have asked FreakShow Bob to get off the damn bed, orfound someone else to help me, insteadof sneaking out the door and blowing myonly opportunity that week to go mattressshopping, but I didn’t want to embarrasshim.
I didn’t want to embarrass him!This is pretty much how my familywas trained to deal with any sort ofpotentially uncomfortable interaction.Along with the fail-safe method ofrunning in the opposite direction, othertools in our confrontation toolbox alsoincluded: freeze, talk about the weather,go blank, and burst into tears the momentyou’re out of earshot.Our lack of confrontation-management skills was no great surpriseconsidering the fact that my mothercomes from a long lineage of WASPs.Her parents were the types whobelieved that children were to be seenand not heard, and who looked upon any
sort of emotional display with the same,horrified disdain usually reserved forcheap scotch and non–Ivy Leagueeducations.And even though my mother went onto create a household for us that was aswarm, loving, and laughter-filled as theycome, it took years for me to finallylearn how to form a sentence whenpresented with the blood-chillingphrase, “We need to talk.”All this is to say that it’s not yourfault that you’re fucked up. It’s your faultif you stay fucked up, but the foundationof your fuckedupedness is somethingthat’s been passed down throughgenerations of your family, like a coat of
arms or a killer cornbread recipe, or inmy case, equating confrontation withheart failure.When you came screaming onto thisplanet you were truly a bundle of joy, awide-eyed creature incapable of doinganything but being in the moment. Youhad no idea that you had a body, letalone that you should be ashamed of it.When you looked around, everything justwas. There was nothing about yourworld that was scary or too expensive orso last year as far as you wereconcerned. If something came near yourmouth, you stuck it in, if it came nearyour hand, you grabbed it. You weresimply a human . . . being.
While you explored and expandedinto your new world, you also receivedmessages from the people around youabout the way things are. From themoment you could take it in, they startedfilling you up with a lifetime’s worth ofbeliefs, many of which have nothing todo with who you actually are or what isnecessarily true (e.g. the world is adangerous place, you’re too fat,homosexuality is a curse, size matters,hair shouldn’t grow there, going tocollege is important, being a musician oran artist isn’t a real career, etc.).The main source of this informationwas, of course, your parents, assisted bysociety at large. When they were raising
you, your parents, in a genuine effort toprotect you and educate you and loveyou with all their hearts (hopefully),passed on the beliefs they learned fromtheir parents, who learned them fromtheir parents, who learned them fromtheir parents. . . .The trouble is, many of these beliefshave nothing to do with who theyactually are/were or what is actuallytrue.I realize I’m making it sound likewe’re all crazy, but that’s because wekind of are.Most people are living
in an illusion based onsomeone else’s beliefs.Until they wake up. Which is whatthis book will hopefully help you do.Here’s how it works: We as humanshave a conscious mind and asubconscious mind. Most of us are onlyaware of our conscious minds, however,because that’s where we process all ourinformation. It’s where we figure thingsout, judge, obsess, analyze, criticize,worry that our ears are too big, decideonce and for all to stop eating fried food,grasp that 2 + 2 = 4, try to remember
where the hell we left the car keys, etc.The conscious mind is like arelentless overachiever, incessantlyspinning around from thought to thought,stopping only when we sleep, and thenstarting up again the second we open oureyes. Our conscious mind, otherwiseknown as our frontal lobe, doesn’t fullydevelop until sometime around puberty.Our subconscious mind, on the otherhand, is the non-analytical part of ourbrain that’s fully developed the momentwe arrive here on earth. It’s all aboutfeelings and instincts and erupting intoear-piercing temper tantrums in themiddle of supermarkets. It’s also wherewe store all the early, outside
information we get.The subconscious mind believeseverything because it has no filter, itdoesn’t know the difference betweenwhat’s true and what’s not true. If ourparents tell us that nobody in our familyknows how to make money, we believethem. If they show us that marriagemeans punching each other in the face,we believe them. We believe them whenthey tell us that some fat guy in a red suitis going to climb down the chimney andbring us presents—why wouldn’t webelieve any of the other garbage theyfeed us?Our subconscious mind is like a littlekid who doesn’t know any better and,
not coincidentally, receives most of itsinformation when we’re little kids anddon’t know any better (because ourfrontal lobes, the conscious part of ourbrains, hasn’t fully formed yet). We takein information via the words, smiles,frowns, heavy sighs, raised eyebrows,tears, laughter, etc., of the peoplesurrounding us with zero ability to filterany of it, and it all gets lodged in oursquishy little subconscious minds as the“truth” (otherwise known as our“beliefs”) where it lives, undisturbedand unanalyzed, until we’re on thetherapy couch decades later or checkingourselves into rehab, again.I can pretty much guarantee that every
time you tearfully ask yourself thequestion, “WTF is my problem?!” theanswer lies in some lame, limiting, andfalse subconscious belief that you’vebeen dragging around without evenrealizing it. Which means thatunderstanding this is majorly important.So let’s review, shall we?1) Our subconscious mind containsthe blueprint for our lives. It’srunning the show based on theunfiltered information it gatheredwhen we were kids, otherwiseknown as our “beliefs.”2) We are, for the most part,
completely oblivious to thesesubconscious beliefs that run ourlives.3) When our conscious minds finallydevelop and show up for work, nomatter how big and smart andhighfalutin they grow to be, they’restill being controlled by the beliefswe’re carrying around in oursubconscious minds.Our conscious mindthinks it’s in control,but it isn’t.
Our subconscious minddoesn’t think aboutanything, but is incontrol.This is why so many of us stumblethrough life doing everything we know inour conscious minds to do, yet remainmystified by what’s keeping us fromcreating the excellent lives we want.For example, let’s say you wereraised by a father who was constantlystruggling financially, who walkedaround kicking the furniture andgrumbling about how money doesn’t
grow on trees, and who neglected youbecause he was always off trying, andfor the most part failing, to make aliving. Your subconscious took this in atface value and might have developedbeliefs such as:• Money = struggle• Money is unavailable.• It’s money’s fault that I wasabandoned by my father.• Money sucks and causes pain.Cut to you as an adult who, in your
conscious mind, would love nothingmore than to be raking in the dough, butwho is subconsciously mistrusting ofmoney, believes it’s unavailable to youand who worries that if you make it,you’ll be abandoned by someone youlove. You may then manifest thesesubconscious beliefs by staying broke nomatter how hard you consciously try tomake money, or by repeatedly makingtons of money and then losing it in orderto avoid being abandoned, or in aplethora of other, frustrating ways.No matter what yousay you want, if you’ve
got an underlyingsubconscious belief thatit’s going to cause youpain or isn’t available toyou, you either A)Won’t let yourself haveit, or B) You will letyourself have it, butyou’ll be rill fucked upabout it. And thenyou’ll go off and lose itanyway.
We don’t realize that by eating thatfourth doughnut or by ignoring ourintuition and marrying that guy who’s anawful lot like our low-down, cheatin’daddy, that we’re being driven by oursubconscious minds, not our consciousminds. And that when our subconsciousbeliefs are out of alignment with thethings and experiences we want in ourconscious minds (and hearts), it createsconfusing conflicts between what we’retrying to create and what we’re actuallycreating. It’s like we’re driving with onefoot on the gas and one foot on the brake.(Obviously we all have awesomesubconscious beliefs as well, but we’renot talking about those right now.)
Here are some other scenarios thatmay or may not ring a bell:Conscious Mind: I long to find andmarry my soul mate.Subconscious Mind: Intimacy leadsto pain and suffering.Finger: RinglessConscious Mind: I want to lose 25pounds.Subconscious Mind: People aren’tsafe; I must build a shield to protectmyself.Body: A fortress of flabConscious Mind: I’m hot and sexy
and want to get it on.Subconscious Mind: Physicalpleasure is shameful.Sex Life: YawnConscious Mind: I want to travel theworld.Subconscious Mind: Fun =irresponsible = I won’t be lovedPassport: BlankIt’s sort of like not being able toenjoy sitting on your front porchanymore because it totally reeks ofsomething foul out there. You can comeup with all these brilliant ways to dealwith the problem—light incense, set up
fans, blame it on the dog—but until yourealize that something has crawled underyour house and died, your problems willlinger on, stinking up your life.The first key to ridding yourself oflimiting subconscious beliefs is tobecome aware of them. Because untilyou’re aware of what’s really going on,you’ll keep working with your consciousmind (think you need to paint the porch)to solve a problem that’s buried farbeneath it (dead skunk removal) in yoursubconscious, which is an exercise infutility.Take a minute to look at some of theless-than-impressive areas of your lifeand think about the underlying beliefs
that could have created them. Let’s takethe old crowd-pleaser, lack of money,for example. Are you making far lessmoney than you know you’re capable ofearning? Have you reached a certainincome level that, no matter what youdo, you can’t seem to go above? Doesgenerating an abundance of moneyconsistently seem like something you’renot even physically capable of? If so,write down the first five things that cometo your mind when you think aboutmoney. Is your list full of hope andbravado or fear and loathing? What areyour parents’ beliefs about money? Whatare the beliefs of the other people yougrew up around? What was their
relationship with money like? Do yousee any connection between their moneybeliefs and yours?Later on in this book I’m going togive you tools to go much deeper withyour subconscious beliefs and fixwhatever’s blocking you from living thekind of life you’d love to live, but fornow, practice stepping aside, noticewhat’s happening in the dysfunctionalareas of your life and strengthen youralmighty awareness muscle. Startwaking up to the stories you’re workingwith in your subconscious (I’ll have todo things I hate in order to make money,I’ll feel trapped if I get into an intimaterelationship, if I go on a diet I’ll never
get to eat anything fun again, if I enjoysex I’ll burn in Hell with the rest of thedirty sinners, etc.). Because once yousee what’s really going on, you can startto drag out the stinky carcasses of yourlimiting subconscious beliefs and givethem the heave-ho, thereby opening upthe space to invite the fresh, new,awesome beliefs and experiences thatyou’d love to have, into your life.